As many of you know, this year for homeschool we’ve joined The CMEC. And I’m so thankful we did! I could sing its many praises but I want to share one specific moment from the September Mother’s Education Course. During the meeting Amy said (and I’m paraphrasing here) that virtue isn’t found in the moments when we are energetic and joyful and very motivated to have a great day. Instead, virtue is found in that morning when we did not get good sleep, yet we still choose to smile.
“Still choose to smile” …
Moms, seriously, how many times do we use “I’m tired” as an excuse for poor behavior?? Some moms wear tiredness as a sort of badge. And I know, I’m not in the littles arena right now (though I pray I will be again if it’s God’s Will). I don’t have pregnancy discomfort, newborn sleep confusion, toddlers potty training, or little kids afraid of the dark. Yet, no matter what age my children are, there are just those nights where they interrupt my sleep. As someone who is a very sensitive sleeper and struggles to fall to sleep, this interruption can cause hours of tossing and turning. Typically, in response I will either 1. allow myself to sleep in, or 2. get up anyway but am extra tired. Many times I have let that sleepiness rule my decisions … and my attitude.
Now don’t get me wrong: I understand the value of my sleepiness. “Offer it up” is a phrase common to our home. I tell Him that I understand it was His Divine Will that kept me awake. Usually some of that awake time is offered in prayer and I contemplate Mary’s waking at midnight to pray each night. Yet, as the day wanes, as I face a homeschool morning, usually I warn the kids that “I’m tired” so be on the lookout for extra sharp responses. I mean, that’s only fair, right?
The Switch
Okay, back to Amy’s comment. It was as if a lightbulb went off. I’ve been studying virtue for a while now. I KNOW that sharp responses and impatience are sins and that they need to be eradicated, but often in that sleepiness I let my lower concupiscence control my decisions and sometimes my tongue betrays my selfish heart.
So what if I didn’t use sleepiness as an excuse?
What if I didn’t tell anyone that I was tired? What if I went through my day and offered up this extra cross with MORE joy than on a day where I feel amazing and energetic? What graces could I receive then? What example could I show my children?
As I face a full homeschool day (and yes, I know it’s Columbus Day – he’ll be part of our lesson!), I ask the Lord for extra grace to be a beautiful example of what a soul can do when she walks hand in Hand with Him. My body may be tired but there’s no good reason why my soul can’t be at even more peace, that my patience bucket can’t overflow through acts of charity and a gift of self.
Another day I’ll talk about The CMEC, which has given us such a gift to finally embrace Charlotte Mason in all of her truth, beauty, and goodness. This year, while not perfect of course, has been the most consistent year we’ve had.
When you are tired, what is a behavior that you particularly have to battle within yourself?
I love the idea of not saying anything about being tired! As a mom to a toddler with another baby on the way, the interruptions in sleep are tough for me too. And then when I wake up and think “I’m tired” and allow myself to be grumpy, my patience is out the window for the day.
BUT I have found a few times when I’ve just accepted the fact that I’m tired, it is much easier to practice patience with my husband and child. And I’m better able to make concrete plans to get to bed earlier or maybe take a nap with the toddler so that I can recharge. Instead, when I’m just grumpy, the problem can be perpetuated because I’m not focusing on a solution. I’m just angry about it.
Long comment here but this is tough for me too right now and your post was a helpful reminder to strive for better as moms! Thank you and God bless 🙂