I’m currently working my way through the CMEC Fall Mini-Retreat and I was stopped by a discussion on attention. Celeste shared that memories are created when we give our full attention to a situation, whether it be a lesson, our children, or some other virtuous endeavor.
God’s Message To Me
You know how God usually merges multiple sources to tell you one thing? Well, that’s what He is apparently doing because last night this same message was brought to me in another way, through The Durenda Wilson Podcast. I had never heard of Durenda until last night. She was interviewed by Mystie Winkler on her podcast Simplified Organization. I enjoyed the interview enough to search her out. Typically, when I find a new podcast, I enjoy starting from the beginning (which has produced much fruit!) so I listened to her pilot episode.
In the episode she discusses taking time to lay on the floor with her kids, for even five minutes, letting them climb on her and OBSERVING which ones tugged her ear and which ones stroked her hair. As a mother of eight, she enjoyed making these notes about her different children’s personalities and preferences. Now I only have two children so I have gotten to know them very well, yet there’s such wisdom in this stopping and just being. Our children LOVE when we are available them, without purpose or agenda.
Coupling that talk on simplicity and presence along with this morning’s discussion by Celeste on memory and attention, I can tell God is working on my heart. He wants me to focus in on my children in a very present way, in order to absorb the moment, to lock it in, to help it really stick. While my goal of actively engaging with them is part of this, there’s another aspect I have left out: simple observation.
Observing Our Children
When was the last time you truly stopped and just observed your children? No earbuds. No agenda. No judgment. It reminds me of when I was in undergrad and we were observing children in a “child development center” (i.e. fancy daycare). We were behind a one-way mirror and were supposed to simply watch. I do this very rarely and that breaks my heart a bit.
As my kids have gotten older and more independent, I have had more time to “get things done.” Yet, my house is still a bit of a mess. So what have I been doing? Likely getting distracted, or as Durenda points out, saying “yes” to too many things.
The more we do, the more we commit, the less time we think we have to simply observe the life and blessings God has given to us. In the back of my head I’m always thinking about the next thing. That comes from a life that is too full, even when we are the ones who make it that way.
I want to create space, margin, in my life. I want to get the earbuds out of my ears and simply be present with my kids, both for active play but also to just watch, to observe, to see the ways they are growing and changing, maturing and finding their purpose.
How
For starters, I’m going to create limits on technology. This is probably the place we can all start. Technology is good. But our use of it can be disordered.
Here’s my plan.
- Create a “power hour” to be on the computer. This daily hour will be committed to all of the things I think I need to look up, answering emails, creating content, whatever it is that I need to do. I’m going to create a form with various sections like “look up” “What Laura Likes” “create” “to buy online” etc. in order to be able to quickly glance and start working. This is similar to David Allen’s “computer” or “online” list he suggests. I remember Kenzie at The Overnight Mom telling us about her internet “to look up” sheet years ago and yet while it’s an amazing idea, I just haven’t done it.
- Limit communication with friends to a certain time in the evening and focus on one conversation a day (not all of them!)
- Find appropriate moments when the kids are actively busy to listen to a podcast or audio book. This will allow moments for quiet in my life for God to speak to my soul without someone else’s voice as well as for the kids to freely “interrupt” me without me having to pause. I’m sure Ryan will appreciate this as well.
I think with these three starter goals, other needs will present themselves. All of the heart work I’ve been doing this past week in How We Love has shown me that I am much more of a “pleaser” to others than I originally thought. While I’m not the most tender and warm-hearted person (I’m not sure anyone would use quite those words to describe me), I certainly enjoy helping others. That’s why I started my YouTube channel 4.5 years ago. That’s why I keep pouring into others, even when I try to step back. And as long as I have the space for it, the margin, it’s good and holy work. But as described in Digital Minimalism, the key is not to just “scorch earth” all technology. Instead, it’s to go a step beyond that initial “yes/no” and to ask “how”.
What is one way you can create more margin in your life?