“It would be easier for the world to survive without the sun than to do so without the Holy Mass.”
-St. Pio of Pietrelcina
A Little Bit of Our Journey to the TLM
Our first Latin Mass was a nuptial Mass, meaning the Sacrament of Marriage occurred first, followed by the actual Sacrifice of the Mass. I was so lost … I had my big Angelus Press missal but had no idea how to use and and finally gave up and just soaked in every. single. minute. I knew I would fall in love. That’s why I had stayed away. Yet, I knew, among the incense and Gregorian chant, Latin and deep reverence, I would never be the same.
After that first Mass, we went back to our local parish because it was 1.5 hours from our house to that Latin Mass parish, and with covid restrictions we had to sign up and we were getting ready to move … you know, lots of reasons. There’s always at least one for avoiding the unknown.
The night before we flew out to Germany I found a Latin Mass at St. Michael’s near OKC. It was SSPX but we had already done our research and spoken to our parish priest so we knew we were just fine attending. It was the complete opposite from that nuptial Mass. No singing. No incense. COMPLETELY SILENT. The priest didn’t even give a homily. He never looked at us! It felt so strange, like perhaps we were unwelcome. I still loved all of the reverence and the altar rail, but that was a very different experience. I was still hooked on the TLM but I saw my family waver a bit after that one.
Our plane touched down in Germany January 2021, deep in covid hysteria. We tried to attend Mass on post (novus ordo) but it became evident quickly that the way we approached covid was not appreciated.
I had my opening. “Let’s attend a Latin Mass!” With the help of a German follower (thank you!) we contacted a few different parishes and my beloved priest was the only one to respond. We made the hour-long drive, having no idea what to expect, promising to do whatever it took to at least attend a TLM. Turns out, God had a huge blessing in store for us with our parish and it’s been our home away from home ever since, so welcoming, so kind. It kept us sane as we processed the huge culture shock (both German and covid) that was our first year here.
The Basics
If you are where we were, feeling that call to attend the 1962 Latin Rite but unsure of what it’ll look like, here are a few suggestions/pointers I have for that first time.
1. Missal
Ideally, you purchase a missal before you go. That way, you can pre-read it, read the little explanations on the side, get familiar with the rhythm of the Mass. The inexpensive missals won’t have all of the readings in them. You can read those before you attend, and they will likely be read in the vernacular at Mass (though they do not have to be). A missal allows you to follow along, because some of the Mass is silent (to you) as Father offers up prayers on behalf of all of us. (More about this below.)
For a video on multiple missal options, click here: https://youtu.be/R9twjoNoCiM
Note: it’s likely TLMs have brought back their missals so don’t let not having a personal missal keep you from attending!
They are also online for free: https://extraordinaryform.org/ExtraordinaryFormTextLandscape.pdf
2. Clothing/Veil
Dress nicely. Ideally, women wear skirts that hit below the knee, tops that don’t drop more than an inch or two below the neck (no cleavage!), shoulders covered. Many parishes have a dress code listed on their website. Take the time to look for it and if unsure, dress up.
If you are a woman, buy a veil. You can find them really inexpensively on Amazon if you just need something quick. Otherwise, I got my “starter” veil from Daughters of Mary Press. I still wear it today. I love that it was made by nuns. Veils by Lily is another popular place to purchase a veil. Many TLMs in the United States have veils you can borrow if you don’t have one of your own. A scarf will also work.
To learn more about why veiling is important, check out my video on it here: https://youtu.be/jIns3N-NSow
3. Where to Sit
I would suggest sitting in the middle/front. You want to sit close enough so that you and your kids can see what’s going on, but not in the very front because you’ll likely want to follow others as to when to sit, stand, or kneel.
4. High Mass v. Low Mass
There are three kinds of Mass in the Latin Rite but for this basic explanation, I’ll break it into two: high and low Mass. The way I’ve experienced it here in Germany is likely different than how it goes in America but in Germany, low Mass is about 45min – 1 hour and there is no incense. We still sing hymns and responses are spoken. There is more kneeling. The high Mass has incense, asperges, hymns/Gregorian chant, and runs about 1.5 hours, depending. You can find both Masses online and preview them if you want to get a sense of the difference. I love them both for various reasons. Here at our parish all Masses are participatory, meaning the congregation helps to sing or say responses. From what I understand, that may be different than some in America.
5. Silence Does NOT Equal Lack of Participation
A big difference is that there is a LOT of prayer by the priest that you do not hear. It’ll either be silent or there will be a hymn being sung. Either way, if you’re not used to it, you may feel like you’re being ignored. Again, as I said up top, this is because the priest is ultimately there to converse with God. We participate with our attention, our intentions, following along as we can, our prayers. The Holy of Holies is ripped and you are getting a chance to peek inside. This is not about us. It’s for us, but it’s about Jesus. The priest is doing his job. Watch in awe and wonder.
6. Communion (No “Amen”)
When you go up to receive Communion at the altar rail, kneel, put your hands under the altar rail cloth, and when it is your turn, simply open your mouth. You do not need to say anything. The priest says it for you. You simply focus on the face that your Lord and Savior loves you so much that He has become food for you. It’s incredible. “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, yet only say the word and my soul shall be healed.”
Father: “Corpus Domini Nostri Iesu Christi custodiat animam tuam in vitam aeternam, Amen,”
which in English means “May the Body of our Lord Jesus Christ preserve your soul unto life everlasting. Amen.”
7. Appreciate the Altar Boys
What really struck me at the first Latin Mass I attended, having never seen one on tv before, was the altar boys! There was SO much that they did! And it was all choreographed so well, so reverently. I told Ryan “I want Neil to be an altar server here!” especially as he desired to be a priest. It still pains me that not every Catholic boy has the chance to be trained in this manner, of serving Christ in this beautiful and necessary way.
8. Pray Afterwards in Thanksgiving
Do not just run off after Mass is over. You will notice that almost everyone stays and prays. This is because we are meant to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for the Mass, for the Eucharist, for all that God has done for us during the Mass and will do for us in the coming hours and day. Such a huge event took place if you received the Eucharist, and even if you didn’t, you were still there at calvary. Let your heart pour out to Him in gratitude. Ask His help is what is to come. Let the experience sink in and let grace change your soul, making you more like Jesus than when you first sat down.
Final Thoughts and a Request
I love hearing from those of you who attend the Latin Mass for the first time. Please share below or email me about how it was for you. Was it as impactful? Some people don’t find it a life-changing experience the first time. If that is you, my suggestion is to go 4 times in a row. Just commit to one month of attending the Latin Mass solely. You may need more time to feel comfortable and grasp all of the various parts. And for some reason, I hear of husbands more than wives you have an aversion to switching to the TLM. If that is you or your husband, Ryan’s advice is the same: attend four times in a row. With an open heart.
Hi Laura!
I’m sorry we didn’t end up calling to chat about my first experience at the TLM, but I’d still like to share now.
The first time I went to a Traditional Latin Mass, I found the process very hard to follow. I found that I was incredibly nervous – my hands were shaking as I tried to hold and sort through the missal and propers. One thing I noticed immediately was that every woman there – every single one – was veiling. I felt a rush of joy upon this realization, as well as seeing everyone covered up and dressed nicely. This was the reverence the Novus Ordo is missing!
I saw a number of young adults which was honestly shocking (and amazing), and everyone seemed overcome with humility. It may seem strange to non-Catholics and even to some Catholics, but the silent prayers of the priest were one of my favourite parts of the Mass.
The music was another wonderful surprise. The choir sang reverent music and it truly felt as if I was in heaven. This feeling has only gotten stronger the more I have attended.
When I first received the Eucharist on the tongue and on my knees it wasn’t as impactful as I had thought and hoped. However, I knew I was doing what God wanted me to, so I thought, all in His timing. Now, weeks later, I have found that I am so much more grateful and humbled and aware of God’s Presence when receiving Him.
I am also more familiar now with the Mass and am able to follow along with the priest.
Another incredible experience that filled me with joy was being able to be at a Mass with an altar boy! This has only happened once, but when he was participating in the rite along with the priest I just felt overwhelmed with the rightness of it all.
I could tell, as I can tell now, that this is the way it is supposed to be. This is the Mass that is meant to be preserved. The reservations of my grandparents and parents only served to strengthen this truth. They are, unfortunately, secular, and when I see them be uncomfortable around any aspect of the Faith, I can be pretty certain it is the right way to go.
I am still a little reserved about the TLM and other traditional ways because of Vatican 2… I don’t know enough about the council. All I know is that I must follow wherever God leads me, and… He led me here. And I’m glad.
Thank you for posting this Laura, as someone who is still very new to the TLM, it was wonderful to read about your family’s experience in discovering it as well.
Happy Feast of the Assumption!
I’m so happy you have been attending and have found such beauty and truth and goodness there!
We were attending the NO. When we moved across state lines we just didn’t feel right at any NO parish. Then Covid happened and the NO became more irreverent and less available. Our son was on the way and needed to be baptized once born and our youngest daughter needed to do first communion. We weren’t going to be subjected to being treated like lepers so I knew we needed to make a change ASAP.
Two weeks after my son was born, I Googled “Traditional Latin Mass.” It gave me an SSPX chapel an hour away, back across the state line. We went and felt welcomed right away. Our youngest daughter went to Religious Education classes at the NO parish but never had friends. Now she is friends with all the kids at our chapel. The monthly adult catechism at our TLM was all our oldest daughter needed to finish her high school religion course in a week.
Before our first year at the SSPX chapel was over, our son was baptized and our daughter did her First Holy Communion and sacrament of Penance. That year, our priest also made sure that everyone at the chapel was enrolled in the Brown Scapular.
It’s also nice to go visit another society chapel when traveling out of town because the priest is bound to know your priest or he has done Mass at your chapel before as a visiting priest.
If you ever get the opportunity, go visit St. Marys. It’s a different world!