Silence. It’s needed for prayer.  It’s needed to get to know God and His Will for you.  Cardinal Sarah has an entire book on it.  We tend to negate silence for busyness, noise, distraction, in order to in some way hide from our very selves, the raw, broken selves that stand naked in front of God when we break down enough of the barriers in our prayer life. 

Recently, when I stepped away from YouTube, from the noise and distraction of an external ministry, the noise of my life dramatically reduced and I found myself feeling very sad.  I did not expect that.  I felt a bit listless, a bit lost.  And then it came to me: I did not know what brought me joy.  I knew what tasks I needed to do to be a good wife and mother.  I knew how to properly worship God and of course found joy in the Truths of our Faith.  But on a practical, human side of things, I had somewhere lost myself, pouring out for others and not stopping to fill my cup.  I think at one point I even told myself it was unnecessary to do so. 

Yesterday, I uncovered this lie. Because, I will tell you: it is absolutely necessary to know yourself.  How am I supposed to be a joyful, kind, pleasant mother if I go from task to task without a soul break?  How am I supposed to help my kids discover who they are in God’s eyes if I don’t even know the answer in my own life? 

So I asked myself: what used to bring me joy? What have I physically done in the past that renewed my spirit, left me feeling uplifted and refreshed?  What special gifts or talents can I tap into that would bless my heart so that I can bless the lives around me?  

The first answer: my bike.  Back at Sill, I used to bike the 3-mile track often.  I’d actually put a Rosary on and go around.  I’d come home refreshed and renewed, both spiritually and physically.  Here, I didn’t have that same access to a safe loop.  But I do have access to a short strip that I can go back and forth on, with plenty of hills.  So that was my first stop: to get on my bike and to break a sweat.  In silence.  That silence led to prayer and that prayer led to my second discovery: the piano. 

Chloe recently discovered the piano using the app SimplyPiano and is getting quite good.  I took piano lessons from 4th grade to 12th, taking only one year off. I can read music and sit down to many pieces, at least with the ability to struggle through.  Recently I had downloaded MuseScore with the hopes I could find some new music to inspire me to play, yet I hadn’t done so. Instead, I’d listen to her play and make excuses why I didn’t have time to try.  

When I got home, I put on that app, found the song Time to Say Goodbye, and started.  It was a difficult piece, with big shifts in the left hand, but I spent 20 minutes or so working on it. I stepped away from my Yamaha keyboard, the one we bought for me in 4th grade, renewed and refreshed, feeling lighter and able to tackle whatever tasks lay ahead of me that afternoon with my joy and happiness.  I felt happy! 

It’s no surprise that physical exercise cheers you up.  Endorphins are released when we push ourselves and as long as we get at least some pleasure from what we’re doing, we should come away feeling better.  The first prescription for those who say they are depressed is to swim or run or bike, exert themselves in some form.  Get their bodies moving! 

The piano was my hobby as a child.  That piano led me through all sorts of tween and teen angst.  I even took it (sans stand) to my dorm room, and kept it near me in the basement of my mother-in-law’s house when I was sad while Ryan was away at Basic Training.  I’ve never been particularly good.  I wouldn’t even say my skill is intermediate level.  But it’s something I enjoy.  And the music! Making music, there’s something heavenly about that, something that takes us above our human condition and unites us with the Divine.  

So here I sit, having met myself again.  I’m happy I took the time.  I’m happy I did not sit in the sorrow and the despair and the sadness. We cannot wait for our emotions to change.  They’re fickle.  We just have to do the next right thing (to steal from Frozen 2).  

So tell me, in the comments, what brings you joy?  No. I’m not talking about possessions per Marie Kondo.  What actions bring you joy?  What do you enjoy doing?  And if you can’t answer this, then perhaps it’s time to get to know yourself again.  Because I bet as a child you did something.  

Was it swimming?  Climbing?  Running?  Hitting a ball?  Kicking a ball?  Biking?  Playing a musical instrument?  Drawing?  Painting?  Sewing?  I could go on and on.  Think on it, and let me know. Pick one thing that makes you sweat, and one that adds beauty to your life.