When I transitioned into a more devout, orthodox Catholic, many new and exciting books, sacramentals, Saints, YouTube channels, and IG accounts materialized into my reality.  I found Sensus Fidelium.  I started to veil.  I learned to pray the Ave Maria. I listened to Catholic Radio. I discovered the beauty of the Rosary and now pray it daily. 

There was a great joy in discovering the richness of our Catholic Faith and the many, many ways we could enrich our souls through the endless books, film, traditions, and prayers that were available to us, passed down by the Church Triumphant over the last 2000 years. 

But there is also a dark side to this enlightenment, one that many have to battle with but few mention, or are even cognizant of.  I’m talking of this conscious (or subconscious) desire to become a “perfect Catholic” or to, as the title states, “keep up with the Catholic Jones.”  

For me, this battle revolved around children and my family size.  Once I started following Catholic mothers on IG, I was bombarded by images of large families – kids in a pyramid formation, kids gathered around a Mary statue, kids surrounding their smiling parents, while mom holds a new baby or sports a growing belly.  To me, being a perfect Catholic meant having more kids – at least enough to outnumber the parents.  I only had one problem: my husband had a vasectomy.  

You can listen to our reversal journey here.

Since that reversal, we have yet to become pregnant.  As I write this, it has been exactly 9 months since the surgery.  After I made a TTC video (click here), I got a few comments that were less than helpful. I know people mean well but telling someone to stop trying, especially, if they know their body well like I do, is next to impossible and leaves the woman feeling lost and misunderstood (“From the desire to be understood, deliver me Jesus. – Litany of Humility). 

Since I’ve recently allowed more space and silence into my life, I’ve been able to understand myself better.  I started to reflect on my desire for more children, and I found out that a part of that desire was due to my Catholic comparison game.  Now, let me be clear: I do desire as many children as God allows.  I love kids.  I’d be so grateful to hold another newborn in my arms, teach a 2 year old silly songs, and watch a 4 year old learn to climb.  There’s a beautiful hope in being open to life and I’m so blessed that we were able to correct our grave mistake and can confidently say that if and when God allows us to parent another child, we will be overjoyed.  

However, that other part, that “keeping up with the Catholic Jones” part, needed to be exorcised. As St. Paul says in 1 Cor 12, we are all parts of the Body of Christ, but we are different parts.  We all have a purpose on this earth, a purpose to know, love and serve God.  Some will serve God by raising many souls for Heaven.  Others will do so in other ways.  We cannot all do the same thing.  Realizing this, I was able to release that side of my desire for children.  I fully handed over my desire to God.  His Will be done.  

I cannot continue to live as I have, always anticipating being pregnant in a couple weeks.  Living that way is not truly living.  It’s waiting.  So while we will continue to be open to life, I have surrendered my desire to God, allowing Him to control our future. I certainly can’t.  I can only control my present.  And so I choose to be fully present.  I have a beautiful, fun almost 11-year-old daughter and a bright, goofy 7.5 year old son.  If these are my only two children that I get to raise, then I want to raise them well, enjoying every moment, soaking it all in, keeping my feet firmly planted in the present moment.  

Keeping up with the Catholic Jones looks different for each one of us.  In a spirit of camaraderie, share below one area of your life you feel pressured to be a “perfect Catholic” in.  It’s good work to strive for virtue and to pursue the narrow path, but we must do all things for the love of God, as St. Paul says in 1 Cor 1-3.  

Please pray for our fertility and our peace at God’s Will.  Trustful Surrender is a beautiful way to live.  And if you’re struggling with fertility, know that I am praying for you too.