Do you ever listen to yourself and say “Man, I’m being so obnoxious right now?”
The Problem
I have this app called Marco Polo. It’s a huge blessing as I really don’t have community here in Germany. I can still speak to my friends from back home and leaving a video message is second only to a live video chat, as I can see the other person and hear their inflections, their tone, and get a peek into their lives. It makes me feel like I’m not so isolated.
But here’s the thing about Marco Polo – as it’s not a live chat, it’s so easy to end up droning on and on about yourself. It can start out innocently enough: someone asks a question. But then the joy of talking, especially about yourself, can overtake the moment and 10 minutes later you realize you’ve blabbed on idly about yourself and now your friend is faced with the dilemma of double-timing your ramble or skipping it altogether and risking missing a key question or comment.
Idle chatter is a sin. Our words are meant to love, to inform, to aid. They’re not meant to be a source of self-love, self-gratification, and certainly not pride. All of these I am guilty of.
The Solution
This morning I was reflecting on this self-love, this pride of tongue, and my first response was “I’ll just get rid of Marco Polo.” That’s me. I always gravitate immediately to the most dramatic fix. I’ve considered this move many times, like an early Christian who fled to the desert to avoid sin. Yet, there is much good that comes from my interactions on Marco Polo. I get a lot of support from other God-fearing Catholic women who are striving to live their vocations well. And sometimes my tongue is able to act charitably, to help a friend in need.
So, rather than take myself into the desert, because I’m not sure as Catholic women we get to do this anyway, I have to find a way to keep my tongue from being obnoxious. I can just see God and my Angel sitting there watching me, wondering why I just don’t stop talking. So, what are my options?
Options
One. Get rid of Marco Polo. Just chuck the near occasion of sin so I won’t be tempted.
This may help with temptation but it won’t train my will to seek God first, to overcome temptation and will keep me from the very beautiful and edifying conversations and relationships the app allows.
Two. Use a timer. 2 minute limit. 5 for a longer question or topic of conversation.
This was my first thought. If it’s a friend or a conversation that needs more time, see option
Three. Stay on topic.
Answer the direct question. Don’t ramble on about my day or the weather or something about myself. This will help my answers be more succinct so I don’t waste my friend’s time.
Four. Shoot short, direct messages.
If I’m in a group, identifying who I am speaking to and what question I’m answering, or who I’m asking a question of, and if there are multiple subjects, film a separate message so that others can either skip or if I bumble, I can delete.
Five. Take notes.
This is a highly respectful way to answer a friend. I’ve found when I take notes I can answer with more depth and brevity.
Six. Limit to a specific time of day.
Ongoing social calls are not a thing. In olden times a friend would stop by for 30 minutes or an hour, not multiple friends all day. If I only answer one Marco Polo a day, I can give that friend my undivided attention, give a real, thoughtful answer or add to the conversation in a useful way, and then move on with my vocation.
What About You?
Marco Polo is like visiting with your friends all day. It’s incredibly enjoyable and uplifting at times. Other times it’s an act of charity and can even be annoying. Just like anything, it’s the heart we bring to it and the parameters we place around it that can make it either a tool for God’s Glory or the object of our next Confession.
Do you use Marco Polo? Perhaps your struggle is more on a texting basis or phone conversations that take you away from your vocation. Maybe you have that one friend or family member who you lack boundaries with so that you leave feeling unsettled and take it out on your kids and spouse.
Lent is coming up. We need to make space in our lives so that we can hear Him, hear how He is calling us to pick up our cross. Lent is a call to quiet, to slowing down, to reflection. It doesn’t mean we have to separate completely from others, but cultivating a strong custody of tongue, if that’s your struggle, can be a beautiful way of reaching Easter in a more grace-filled place.
Of course, we can only do good with God’s grace so ask Him, ask Mother Mary, to help you. Think about where your sticking point is in life. You know it. And then come up with ways to keep it but put some gates up, some fences around it, so that it’s used for God’s glory alone and not your own self-love.