2021 In Review: Finding Gratitude in the Hardship

2021 was hard.  No joke.  The challenges God put in front of me and my family I would never have guessed or asked for, yet these very challenges have caused incredible growth.  He never hands us a cross we cannot carry with His Grace.

 

These are in no particular order:

 

1 Infertility

Getting our vasectomy reversed (watch or listen to story here) back in Oct 2020 was a huge moment and I’m so thankful we did it.  I know Ryan feels whole again and our intimacy has drastically improved as we are now open to life.  Yet, month after month we wait for God’s yes and month after month (actually, every 26 days), He says no.  Learning to live with His Will and not my own has been hard but so very, very good.

He is all-knowing and a loving Father.  If He says no, it’s for a reason.  Learning to trust in His Will while dying to my own self has been a beautiful struggle and one I’m thankful for.

(The Surrender Novena also helped – you can listen and find out more here).

 

2 International Travel During Covid

Traveling across the ocean with kids was never going to be easy. But throw in face masks, paranoia, “social” distancing, fear, and selfishness and its downright miserable.  Chloe, after 24 hours of travel, got sick the last hour of our flight and the way the airline staff treated our child was disheartening to say the least. But, as with anything, these moments of trial, where you think you just can’t go on, take us to the edge and get us beyond ourselves.  We did persevere, taking one step in front of the other, and eventually made it to a bed.  I do pray for an end to this nonsense every day and hope that our flight home, when that times comes, will be a much different experience.  (We also have learned our lesson and will not fly more than one flight – once we hit Boston we’re finding a hotel!)

 

3 Lockdowns

I thought the lockdowns in April 2020 were hard.  And they were hard in a special way since most parishes locked their doors.  Yet, the lockdowns in Europe go beyond anything America did.  And now, the unvaxxed get a special lockdown all of their own.  Being unvaxxed in Europe helps me to be sensitive to the many times in history where people were treated less than by another group.  Fear is an amazing thing.  It takes away someone’s humanity and replaces it with an irrational, animal nature.  While I would never wish a lockdown on anyone, I can say that these kinds of struggles have made me a more sensitive and kind-hearted person, especially towards the suffering of others, no matter how far removed I am, and growing in charity is always a beautiful thing.

 

4 Traditional Mass 

Being treated poorly at a chapel on post led us to search for a faith community in the larger population of Germany.  I knew that our best bet to feel welcome was to find a traditional community, where on average the priest and congregation put their trust in God and turn towards Him versus manmade solutions.  I am forever grateful for a follower of mine who wrote to the priest letting him know our interest in attending.  It has been a beautiful transition into the Old Rite and has had huge ramifications for our family’s faith walk.  The children and I are now enrolled in the Brown Scapular, we have blessed salt and oil in the house, many blessed candles, a large crucifix, and more than all of that, we have a community of people who have made us feel welcome in this foreign country in a hard time.  Though we can’t communicate with them as well as we would like, their willingness to try has been heartwarming and Christ-like.

 

5 Walking Away From YouTube 

When I said I was leaving YouTube, I really meant it.  I had no intentions of returning.  I needed to focus on my kids, my house, my mental health.  The year had taken its toll and I felt like I was drowning.  It was incredibly hard but so necessary.  While it didn’t last long (because God’s the one in control), it was enough and it helped me to refocus on what all of this is meant to be.

 

6 Marco Polo

Being 7-9 hours ahead of most of the people I care about is a bit tricky,  but using Marco Polo has helped me to stay in touch.  I can leave a message to them while they sleep and then sometimes have a response waiting for me when I wake up.  It’s been a huge blessing to work through struggles, share joys, and talk about life with multiple people I have yet to meet in person but have bonded with through our shared love for God and our families.

 

7 Living in Germany

Germans in general do not speak English.  I think there’s a bit misconception regarding this in the States.  If you come here, you better figure out a bit, at least, or plan on gesturing a lot.  Besides the humility that comes with trying to speak a foreign language to natives, living in another country has given me a renewed love for my own while at the same time seeing the beauty in another culture. It has also broadened my desire to know what’s going on in the whole world, not just my little corner of it.

 

8 Making German Friends

God is so good.  You tell him you’re lonely, and He will provide (unless He needs to you to sit in that a bit and turn more to Him).  Our neighbors just down the street know English well, have kind children, and have welcomed us with open arms.  That’s been such a huge blessing.

 

9 Honesty in Marriage

After reading The Warning this Fall, Ryan and I had some really good discussions.  Very honest ones.  We shed the light in the dark places, places I didn’t even know existed, and instead of being upset or causing turmoil, the light cleansed it all and allowed us to start fresh.  I will be forever thankful for that book and those stories of illumination that caused somewhat of an illumination for ourselves and our marriage.

 

10 An Advent and Christmas Season Without Moving

And here I am.  It’s December 31, 2021 and I’m not planning a move.  There are no movers to anticipate, no packing to do.  My car is still in my driveway.  No hotel is booked.  Ryan joined the military in 2012 and since then we have moved over four Christmas holidays.  Our initial move into the Army (Ryan was already gone so I did this myself), our ETS (to Oregon), getting back in and going to Oklahoma (again, by myself), and now this international move last Christmas.

Last year at this time we had no furniture.  We were sleeping in an empty house on air beds with sheets and blankets borrowed from a friend.  It was actually quite depressing, though we tried our best to keep our spirits up.  So getting to look forward to 2022 while surrounded by my things, in the same place they were two months ago, sleeping in my own bed, and hearing my children giggle and wrestle in comfort, is a blessing I will always treasure.

 

So, that’s it.  I could come up with 10 more but you get the idea.  2021 was a year of suffering.  It was a year of hard.  It was uncomfortable, awkward, depressing, stressful, and lonely.  Yet, God works in the hard, in the mess, and I am a better person for the struggle.

 

With that said, I have great hope for 2022.  I feel healthy.  I feel hopeful.  I feel balanced. I pray that whatever comes I can handle with grace, by His Grace, and spread joy.

 

Here’s to a new year. May 2022 bless us all, leading us to pursue the narrow path and grow closer to God.